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After a divorce and the tragic death of her only child, eighteen-year old Chloe, forty-three year-old Rebekkah Collins’ life takes a number of unexpected and
soul shattering turns. A chance remark by her neighbor that her husband left her because she was “not good in bed” leads Rebekkah to the realization
that despite her Professorship of Music at an upscale university, her nineteen years of marriage, she is ignorant about almost everything pertaining to
her life with her ex-husband Theodore: finances, survival, and most tellingly, her own body and her sexuality. After a trying visit from her ex-husband
Theodore, she considers her life.
I dismissed him from my mind and I knew I would think no more about him. I sat long in thought. Then I noticed that I was crying. The only way I
seem able to experience emotion is through tears. I cry for joy. For love. For sorrow. For loneliness.
But I can’t really trust my tears for they aren’t a reliable determinant for my feelings. Am I missing Theodore and crying because I love him? Or am
I sure I don’t love him and my crying is for the lost years? Are these tears of loneliness? Am I crying for Chloe?
I began to conclude that thirst and hunger and breathing and sleep and crying – are all automatic. They have no other reason for existence
except sustenance. Your body thirsts. Your body hungers. Your body breathes. Your body sleeps. Your body cries.
The first item on my list of things to do after I was settled in my little rented bungalow, was to find a Women’s Center. I attended several
meetings and obtained their reading list for “Women Alone Seeking Independence.” I read all the books they recommended. Some I read twice. I
meditated. I prayed. Let me be me.
And later, I took account of all the things I had learned. I learned that I no longer have to drink to be calm. I learned that I can have a glass of
wine before dinner if I want to, not because I have to. I attended all three sessions of the course on auto mechanics for women. I learned how to
raise the hood. Never thought before how the damned thing got up there. I love screwing that little ratchet on top of the carburetor and lifting the
filter out and checking it. I smiled at the mechanic so he’d know that I knew what I was doing. I learned where the dip stick is and I don’t have to
rely on the attendant to check my oil. Or even to put it in. The difficulty was in getting the damn can opened. I couldn’t open it like I do the can of
biscuits, never knowing when it is going to pop open and being startled when it does. So, I’d peel the diagonal outside paper a little way down,
and then I’d throw the can away from me up on the wall somewhere. Then the can would pop open and sometimes a biscuit or two would fall on
the floor. I’d pick them up, blow on them as if to remove any residue, and cook them with the rest.
I tried using self-service at the gas station. The first time I went, I couldn’t get the gas cap off and wouldn’t have known what to do once it was
off. I’d always had an attendant fill my gas tank. I wanted so to cry and to run away or to use the full-service side. The man in the car behind me
smiled when I asked him how to do this, and he showed me how it worked.
Remember, Rebekkah. The book says to take control of your life. Don’t be afraid to ask. Sometimes you stand in line thirty minutes before you
know to take a number. . .
I now had my own checking account and my own charge account and my own insurance. . . . I learned that there is a little filter on the furnace and
a temperature gauge on the hot water heater.
I became aware of my mind and I learned to know and to accept and to deal with my own feelings. I didn’t have to always question myself if I was
doing this according to someone else. Nor even according to God because God isn’t sitting up there waiting to trounce on me for those
commandment things, and there is a little of God within us all. . .
. . . The book said that some women find the use of a battery-operated stimulator to be helpful in their efforts at orgasm. A vibrator. I had never
seen one nor heard of them before. The place that sells these kinds of things is “The Adult Book Store”. Can I go there? . . . How badly we want
something usually directs how far we will go to attain it.
Rebekkah summons the courage to go to the adult book store. . .
The store was easily accessible and after I found it, I parked on the street. For a moment, I faltered. How important is it to have an orgasm? The
book said that every time you have an orgasm, it puts another vessel in your heart. Is this true?
I steeled myself and called up all my nerve. I didn’t ask anyone to accompany me. After I entered the store, I decided to take my time and look
around, ask questions if need be, and look the man behind the counter straight in the eye and ask him how to operate it once I’d bought the
damn thing.
With all my preparation, marvel of marvels, I was not ready for what I found inside that shop. Pictures. Posters showing naked men and women.
Little feathers. Great big foot-long vibrators with handles. Uh uh!. For a moment I was embarrassed, but then I wanted to laugh at myself and my
ignorance. They didn’t teach this in Sunday School.
I looked around and saw that there were other customers in the store. All men. . . I returned my attention to the counter of plastic stimulators,
and I saw that it contained brown ones, white ones, big ones, little ones. And they came in different lengths: six inches, seven inches, eight
inches.
By now, my courage was up and I even lingered a while looking around at the other merchandise that was displayed there. I walked bravely to
the cashier and laid my selection on the counter. It was packaged in a nice little box and I was glad it didn't show. But horror of horrors, the man
behind the counter opened it up and took it out of the box.
"They don't come with batteries," he said. "But they require two D-sized batteries. Would you like to purchase those now?”
"Yes." Might as well.
“I'll put them in for you," he said. He wasn't embarrassed but I imagine he knew that I was, so he made other kinds of conversation while he put
the batteries in.
"How's the weather out there?" Weather was a safe topic. "They say it's supposed to be warm today."
"Yes." Yes was all I could say the entire time I was in that store. And I was now getting nervous and shaky and I wanted to be out of there, for
horror of horrors again, he turned the thing on, to see if it worked, he said.
But then, my guardian angel suddenly descended and stood beside me in that shop, telling me that this was something that would help me in my
life -- I looked squarely at the man behind the counter and smiled.
With my guardian angel beside me holding my hand, I walked out of the store and got into my car. Then I laughed. Out loud. Hey, Rebekkah
Cassandra, you did it.
Madestella C. Holcomb welcomes your comments and inquiries. She is also eager to hear from publishers interested in work. You may contact her at:
7401 E. 26th Avenue, #107
Denver, CO 80238
madestella7@msn.com
Novelist, playwright, poet, and editor, Madestella C. Holcomb is a former editorial writer for the Denver Post, and
editor of The Denver Weekly News. Her book, A Chip Off The Old Black Block (of Wisdom) is a compilation of articles
she has written over the years for the Denver Weekly News. Ms. Holcomb has written two books, "Therefore
Choose Life" and "Where Peaceful Waters Flow", and has had three plays professionally produced.
The following excerpt from "Where Peaceful Waters Flow" delves into the life of Rebekkah Collins as she
re-examines her life and heads down the path of sexual self-discovery.
editor of The Denver Weekly News. Her book, A Chip Off The Old Black Block (of Wisdom) is a compilation of articles
she has written over the years for the Denver Weekly News. Ms. Holcomb has written two books, "Therefore
Choose Life" and "Where Peaceful Waters Flow", and has had three plays professionally produced.
The following excerpt from "Where Peaceful Waters Flow" delves into the life of Rebekkah Collins as she
re-examines her life and heads down the path of sexual self-discovery.
Where Peaceful Waters Flow
An Excerpt
by Madestella C. Holcomb
An Excerpt
by Madestella C. Holcomb
Sex as Weapon
by Claudine Wright
For many of us “sex” can be a loaded and often uncomfortable word. Depending on our upbringing we may approach the topic of sex with joy and
openness, embarrassment or fear, and we may experience more than our fair share of hang-ups when the topic is broached. But for hundreds of
thousands of women the world over, sex has only the darkest of meanings—unmitigated horror, years of lingering physical pain, and night terrors
too awful to describe. These are the women who have been subjected to one of the most brutal of crimes—rape as an act of war.
For much of the world’s history, “raping and pillaging” were the normal and expected actions of the victors in a conflict, the reward, however
ignominious, for a battle well fought. But it is only in relatively recent times that the raping of women has been actively used as a sanctioned
weapon of war. It is a particularly effective one.
But how did sex, which at its most basic is a natural procreative act, devolve into a weapon of mass destruction? Psychologists maintain that rape,
despite its sexual component, has very little to do with sex, but everything to do with power, dominance, and control. Traditionally, men have held
all the power in society. Females in most cultures, especially deeply patriarchal ones, were considered chattel, property, second class citizens. A
woman’s virginity, chastity, and sexual “purity” were sources of pride for her father, when she was young, and later, ownership, for her husband
when she got married. To rob a woman of what was cherished most was to rob her of her worth, her standing in her community. So how better for a
conquering army to show its absolute dominance over the conquered than by “defiling” its women?
The History of Mass Rape
The history of rape as a war tactic during, is a particularly sordid one. It has been estimated that more than 80,000 women were raped by the
Japanese Army in what came to be known as “The Rape of Nanking”. As many as 200,000 Korean and Chinese women were forced into brothels as
“comfort women” for Japanese soldiers during World War II. Red Army soldiers are alleged to have raped two million women during the years and in
the aftermath of World War II. Two hundred thousand Bangladeshi women were raped by the Pakistani Army in 1971; twenty thousand Bosnian
women by the Serbian Army between March 1992 and November 1995; five hundred thousand women in the 1994 Rwandan conflict, and today, in
the Democratic Republic of Congo, more than 200,000 women have been raped during the country’s decades-long civil war, giving the war-ravaged
country the dubious distinction of being the “rape capital of the world.”
Chad, Sudan, Liberia, Somalia, Uganda, and numerous other hotspots around the world all have their own depressing statistics. The rationale for
using rape as a war tactic are many: arming a militia is expensive—much less ammunition is needed if a man carries his own “ammunition” with him,
or can easily make one from a pointed stick; it is “safer” than engaging in armed conflict—fewer dead soldiers to retrieve and bury; it effectively
demoralizes the women as many are physically devastated, and feel shamed into silence, and it emasculates the men, many of whom are forced to
watch as their wives, sisters, and daughters are violently assaulted.
But what is being done on behalf of these women and the millions of children who have been born to them?
The World Responds
In her August 2009 trip to Africa, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, pledging 17 million dollars for funding for survivors of sexual violence, stated to
Congolese President Joseph Kabila, “We believe that there should be no impunity for the sexual and gender-based violence committed by so many,
and that there must be arrests, prosecutions, and punishments.”
In her August 2009 trip to Africa, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, pledging 17 million dollars in funding for survivors of sexual violence, stated to
Congolese President Joseph Kabila, “We believe that there should be no impunity for the sexual and gender-based violence committed by so many,
and that there must be arrests, prosecutions, and punishments.”
The United Nations Security Council unanimously adopted Resolution 1325 in 2000 which in part “calls on all parties to armed conflict to take special
measures to protect women and girls from gender-based violence, particularly rape and other forms of sexual abuse, and all other forms of violence
in situations of armed conflict.” The resolution also “. . . emphasizes the responsibility of all States to put an end to impunity and to prosecute
those responsible for genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes including those relating to sexual violence against women and girls, and in this
regard, stresses the need to exclude these crimes, where feasible from amnesty provisions.” Further, the resolution, “calls upon all parties to armed
conflict to respect the civilian and humanitarian character of refugee camps and settlements, and to take into account the particular needs of women
and girls. . .”
The systematic act of rape was recognized as a war crime by statute of the International Criminal Court in 1998. The statute further stated that the
Court had the power to create ad hoc tribunals. This ruling led to the creation of the courts that successfully prosecuted soldier perpetrators in
Rwanda and the former Yugoslavia. An even further-reaching ruling was achieved when the International Criminal Tribunal of Rwanda found that the
rape of Tutsi women constituted torture when it was performed "by or at the instigation of, or with the consent or acquiescence of a public official or
other persons acting in an official capacity."
The Fourth Geneva Convention also provides for protection for women against sexual violence: “women shall be especially protected against any
attack on their honor, in particular against rape, enforced prostitutions, or any form of indecent assault (Article 27), but most women will never have
their stories told, will never see their attackers punished. The majority of the women who have been attacked live in some of the most troubled and
impoverished areas of the world. Many are uneducated and do not know that there are organizations that can help them. Even when they are
aware of agencies that can offer help, the internalized shame they feel and the ostracism they experience from their communities make them
reluctant to step forward to seek aid. Not to be underestimated also is the tremendous psychological burdens that these women will carry for the
rest of their lives. Many have borne children as a result of the rapes, and are forced to balance the double bind of the natural love of a mother for
her child, along with revulsion from the act from which the child was created. It is not an easy cross to bear.
Supporting the Women
The pressing needs of women who have been raped include medical, psychological, and financial support. Many United Nations NGOs, local church-
and women-led support groups have stepped in to fill the void. Many well-known international agencies, including the Red Cross, provide services
for women, but these efforts are a drop in the bucket compared to the massive need. Many of these women have been pushed out of their
communities, and have banded to live together in makeshift villages, raising their children and trying to eke out a living and repair their lives.
Even though we are thousands of miles removed, there is a lot we can do to help these women. First, we can educate ourselves about the problem
and then take action as we can see fit or are able to. Following are links to organizations and additional information that will help to point us in the
right direction.
Prosecuting Rape As A War Crime: Speaking The Unspeakable
This is an in-depth, well-researched and annotated article on the social, cultural, political, and psychological aspects of rape as an act of war.
One Woman's Story
This article tells the story of a Congolese woman, Fatuma Kayengela, who dared to stand up to the rapists of her daughter and defy the traditional
mores of her society by forming a support group.
Taking Steps to Help
This link to Oprah Winfrey’s Web site will give you a list of actions you can to help a survivor of rape.
HEAL Africa assists survivors of sexual violence. Over 100 counselors are responsible for identifying incidents of sexual violence, providing
confidential psychosocial support to survivors and conducting appropriate referrals so survivors may access all available services to assist them
during their recovery process.
The General Referral Hospital of Panzi (GRHP) is located in the South Kivu province of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The hospital provides
treatment for the survivors of sexual violence and surgical repair for women suffering from fistulas of the urogenital tract.
by Claudine Wright
For many of us “sex” can be a loaded and often uncomfortable word. Depending on our upbringing we may approach the topic of sex with joy and
openness, embarrassment or fear, and we may experience more than our fair share of hang-ups when the topic is broached. But for hundreds of
thousands of women the world over, sex has only the darkest of meanings—unmitigated horror, years of lingering physical pain, and night terrors
too awful to describe. These are the women who have been subjected to one of the most brutal of crimes—rape as an act of war.
For much of the world’s history, “raping and pillaging” were the normal and expected actions of the victors in a conflict, the reward, however
ignominious, for a battle well fought. But it is only in relatively recent times that the raping of women has been actively used as a sanctioned
weapon of war. It is a particularly effective one.
But how did sex, which at its most basic is a natural procreative act, devolve into a weapon of mass destruction? Psychologists maintain that rape,
despite its sexual component, has very little to do with sex, but everything to do with power, dominance, and control. Traditionally, men have held
all the power in society. Females in most cultures, especially deeply patriarchal ones, were considered chattel, property, second class citizens. A
woman’s virginity, chastity, and sexual “purity” were sources of pride for her father, when she was young, and later, ownership, for her husband
when she got married. To rob a woman of what was cherished most was to rob her of her worth, her standing in her community. So how better for a
conquering army to show its absolute dominance over the conquered than by “defiling” its women?
The History of Mass Rape
The history of rape as a war tactic during, is a particularly sordid one. It has been estimated that more than 80,000 women were raped by the
Japanese Army in what came to be known as “The Rape of Nanking”. As many as 200,000 Korean and Chinese women were forced into brothels as
“comfort women” for Japanese soldiers during World War II. Red Army soldiers are alleged to have raped two million women during the years and in
the aftermath of World War II. Two hundred thousand Bangladeshi women were raped by the Pakistani Army in 1971; twenty thousand Bosnian
women by the Serbian Army between March 1992 and November 1995; five hundred thousand women in the 1994 Rwandan conflict, and today, in
the Democratic Republic of Congo, more than 200,000 women have been raped during the country’s decades-long civil war, giving the war-ravaged
country the dubious distinction of being the “rape capital of the world.”
Chad, Sudan, Liberia, Somalia, Uganda, and numerous other hotspots around the world all have their own depressing statistics. The rationale for
using rape as a war tactic are many: arming a militia is expensive—much less ammunition is needed if a man carries his own “ammunition” with him,
or can easily make one from a pointed stick; it is “safer” than engaging in armed conflict—fewer dead soldiers to retrieve and bury; it effectively
demoralizes the women as many are physically devastated, and feel shamed into silence, and it emasculates the men, many of whom are forced to
watch as their wives, sisters, and daughters are violently assaulted.
But what is being done on behalf of these women and the millions of children who have been born to them?
The World Responds
In her August 2009 trip to Africa, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, pledging 17 million dollars for funding for survivors of sexual violence, stated to
Congolese President Joseph Kabila, “We believe that there should be no impunity for the sexual and gender-based violence committed by so many,
and that there must be arrests, prosecutions, and punishments.”
In her August 2009 trip to Africa, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, pledging 17 million dollars in funding for survivors of sexual violence, stated to
Congolese President Joseph Kabila, “We believe that there should be no impunity for the sexual and gender-based violence committed by so many,
and that there must be arrests, prosecutions, and punishments.”
The United Nations Security Council unanimously adopted Resolution 1325 in 2000 which in part “calls on all parties to armed conflict to take special
measures to protect women and girls from gender-based violence, particularly rape and other forms of sexual abuse, and all other forms of violence
in situations of armed conflict.” The resolution also “. . . emphasizes the responsibility of all States to put an end to impunity and to prosecute
those responsible for genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes including those relating to sexual violence against women and girls, and in this
regard, stresses the need to exclude these crimes, where feasible from amnesty provisions.” Further, the resolution, “calls upon all parties to armed
conflict to respect the civilian and humanitarian character of refugee camps and settlements, and to take into account the particular needs of women
and girls. . .”
The systematic act of rape was recognized as a war crime by statute of the International Criminal Court in 1998. The statute further stated that the
Court had the power to create ad hoc tribunals. This ruling led to the creation of the courts that successfully prosecuted soldier perpetrators in
Rwanda and the former Yugoslavia. An even further-reaching ruling was achieved when the International Criminal Tribunal of Rwanda found that the
rape of Tutsi women constituted torture when it was performed "by or at the instigation of, or with the consent or acquiescence of a public official or
other persons acting in an official capacity."
The Fourth Geneva Convention also provides for protection for women against sexual violence: “women shall be especially protected against any
attack on their honor, in particular against rape, enforced prostitutions, or any form of indecent assault (Article 27), but most women will never have
their stories told, will never see their attackers punished. The majority of the women who have been attacked live in some of the most troubled and
impoverished areas of the world. Many are uneducated and do not know that there are organizations that can help them. Even when they are
aware of agencies that can offer help, the internalized shame they feel and the ostracism they experience from their communities make them
reluctant to step forward to seek aid. Not to be underestimated also is the tremendous psychological burdens that these women will carry for the
rest of their lives. Many have borne children as a result of the rapes, and are forced to balance the double bind of the natural love of a mother for
her child, along with revulsion from the act from which the child was created. It is not an easy cross to bear.
Supporting the Women
The pressing needs of women who have been raped include medical, psychological, and financial support. Many United Nations NGOs, local church-
and women-led support groups have stepped in to fill the void. Many well-known international agencies, including the Red Cross, provide services
for women, but these efforts are a drop in the bucket compared to the massive need. Many of these women have been pushed out of their
communities, and have banded to live together in makeshift villages, raising their children and trying to eke out a living and repair their lives.
Even though we are thousands of miles removed, there is a lot we can do to help these women. First, we can educate ourselves about the problem
and then take action as we can see fit or are able to. Following are links to organizations and additional information that will help to point us in the
right direction.
Prosecuting Rape As A War Crime: Speaking The Unspeakable
This is an in-depth, well-researched and annotated article on the social, cultural, political, and psychological aspects of rape as an act of war.
One Woman's Story
This article tells the story of a Congolese woman, Fatuma Kayengela, who dared to stand up to the rapists of her daughter and defy the traditional
mores of her society by forming a support group.
Taking Steps to Help
This link to Oprah Winfrey’s Web site will give you a list of actions you can to help a survivor of rape.
HEAL Africa assists survivors of sexual violence. Over 100 counselors are responsible for identifying incidents of sexual violence, providing
confidential psychosocial support to survivors and conducting appropriate referrals so survivors may access all available services to assist them
during their recovery process.
The General Referral Hospital of Panzi (GRHP) is located in the South Kivu province of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The hospital provides
treatment for the survivors of sexual violence and surgical repair for women suffering from fistulas of the urogenital tract.
Orgasm Therapy:
Mother Nature’s Gift for Health, Wellness, and Pleasure!
Irisha M. Brown, M. Ed
Intimacy Coach
The Orgasm, that magnificent gift from Mother Nature, sets off the release in our bodies of a
deliciously powerful “hormone cocktail” that includes endorphins, our built-in pain relievers;
serotonin, one of the body’s mood regulators; dopamine, a neurotransmitter that facilitates
feelings of pleasure and enjoyment; oxytocin, also known as “the cuddle hormone”, which
increases feelings of trust and bonding, and DHEA, a steroid known to improve brain function
and boost the health of the immune system.
With all of those natural hormones, chemicals, and neurotransmitters immediately available for
free and willing to work on command for us, having at least one orgasm daily simply makes good
health sense!
As a path to stress relief, orgasms work because in the short term, they cause our hearts to
beat faster. Orgasms require increases in blood flow and a build-up of muscle tension, that
when released, feels like the damn at Niagara Falls has been opened and causes a total release
of the day’s tension which has built up within our nervous system. And, if you have trouble
sleeping, a toe-curling, body-and-mind-relaxing orgasm can be just what your body ordered to
help you drift off into a peaceful, soothing sleep.
Your skin benefits from a rousing orgasm too! If you get worked up enough and break into a
really good sweat, your body will flush toxins out your system by way of your perspiration, and it
will release oils which will nourish the skin.
If you’re thinking about controlling your weight, good news: great orgasms can help you there
too. Orgasms spur the production of the chemical phenethylamine which is known to curb
appetite, so treating yourself to an orgasm can help keep you from racing to the refrigerator and
making friends with all the goods inside!
And whether you are with a partner or simply pleasuring yourself, creating a fulfilling orgasm
takes energy, so by regularly having orgasms you’ll be burning more calories and having a great
time doing it!
Now, this next idea might seem counterintuitive. However, when you have menstrual cramps or
a headache, if you treat yourself to an orgasm instead of an aspirin you may find that
endorphins, your body’s natural pain reliever, will take your mind far, far away from the pain and
help you experience a sense of relief and pleasure that you would miss if you simply went for
the aspirin.
And here’s more good news, Dr. Winifred Cutler, a research biologist, and co-founder of the
Women's Wellness Program at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, found that women
who have weekly sexual activity have higher blood levels of estrogen, a natural chemical that
can help lower bad cholesterol, and increase good cholesterol, while adding to bone density and
improving the health of your cardiovascular system. Now really, what more could you ask for?
Now, let’s talk about your immune system. Orgasms have been found to raise the level of
Immunoglobin A, an antibody which can boost production of infection-fighting cells in the body,
and help strengthen the immune system so that flu and colds may be held at bay or fought off
successfully. So just by having mind-blowing orgasms and taking care of yourself as you
normally would, you could be preparing yourself well for that “other” season –winter- that is
right around the corner!
Mother Nature has created the Magnificent Orgasm to provide a natural cure for much of what
ails us. We have the power to maintain our health and pleasure satisfaction. To do so, we
simply need to use our imagination and take things into our own two hands (or those of our
lovers’).
We may need to free ourselves from various religious, cultural, or morality controls and norms, in
order to really explore the gift of self-pleasure and orgasm therapy, but when we do, the sky is
really the limit.
The new wisdom needs to be: “An orgasm (or four!) a day and an apple, can help keep the
doctor away!”
Here’s to your health and toe-curling orgasm therapy!
Mother Nature’s Gift for Health, Wellness, and Pleasure!
Irisha M. Brown, M. Ed
Intimacy Coach
The Orgasm, that magnificent gift from Mother Nature, sets off the release in our bodies of a
deliciously powerful “hormone cocktail” that includes endorphins, our built-in pain relievers;
serotonin, one of the body’s mood regulators; dopamine, a neurotransmitter that facilitates
feelings of pleasure and enjoyment; oxytocin, also known as “the cuddle hormone”, which
increases feelings of trust and bonding, and DHEA, a steroid known to improve brain function
and boost the health of the immune system.
With all of those natural hormones, chemicals, and neurotransmitters immediately available for
free and willing to work on command for us, having at least one orgasm daily simply makes good
health sense!
As a path to stress relief, orgasms work because in the short term, they cause our hearts to
beat faster. Orgasms require increases in blood flow and a build-up of muscle tension, that
when released, feels like the damn at Niagara Falls has been opened and causes a total release
of the day’s tension which has built up within our nervous system. And, if you have trouble
sleeping, a toe-curling, body-and-mind-relaxing orgasm can be just what your body ordered to
help you drift off into a peaceful, soothing sleep.
Your skin benefits from a rousing orgasm too! If you get worked up enough and break into a
really good sweat, your body will flush toxins out your system by way of your perspiration, and it
will release oils which will nourish the skin.
If you’re thinking about controlling your weight, good news: great orgasms can help you there
too. Orgasms spur the production of the chemical phenethylamine which is known to curb
appetite, so treating yourself to an orgasm can help keep you from racing to the refrigerator and
making friends with all the goods inside!
And whether you are with a partner or simply pleasuring yourself, creating a fulfilling orgasm
takes energy, so by regularly having orgasms you’ll be burning more calories and having a great
time doing it!
Now, this next idea might seem counterintuitive. However, when you have menstrual cramps or
a headache, if you treat yourself to an orgasm instead of an aspirin you may find that
endorphins, your body’s natural pain reliever, will take your mind far, far away from the pain and
help you experience a sense of relief and pleasure that you would miss if you simply went for
the aspirin.
And here’s more good news, Dr. Winifred Cutler, a research biologist, and co-founder of the
Women's Wellness Program at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, found that women
who have weekly sexual activity have higher blood levels of estrogen, a natural chemical that
can help lower bad cholesterol, and increase good cholesterol, while adding to bone density and
improving the health of your cardiovascular system. Now really, what more could you ask for?
Now, let’s talk about your immune system. Orgasms have been found to raise the level of
Immunoglobin A, an antibody which can boost production of infection-fighting cells in the body,
and help strengthen the immune system so that flu and colds may be held at bay or fought off
successfully. So just by having mind-blowing orgasms and taking care of yourself as you
normally would, you could be preparing yourself well for that “other” season –winter- that is
right around the corner!
Mother Nature has created the Magnificent Orgasm to provide a natural cure for much of what
ails us. We have the power to maintain our health and pleasure satisfaction. To do so, we
simply need to use our imagination and take things into our own two hands (or those of our
lovers’).
We may need to free ourselves from various religious, cultural, or morality controls and norms, in
order to really explore the gift of self-pleasure and orgasm therapy, but when we do, the sky is
really the limit.
The new wisdom needs to be: “An orgasm (or four!) a day and an apple, can help keep the
doctor away!”
Here’s to your health and toe-curling orgasm therapy!
Ladies, have you been feeling “a little testy” lately? Are you in need of
an attitude adjustment? Perhaps you haven’t felt like eating or doing
anything more than the basics, and instead of getting your beauty
rest, you’ve tossed and turned all night wishing you could just get
some sleep . . .
Well before you run to the drugstore or head to your doctor’s office,
you might want to take matters into your own two hands! Try having
an orgasm or two, or four a day and see what happens to those
“other” feelings!
an attitude adjustment? Perhaps you haven’t felt like eating or doing
anything more than the basics, and instead of getting your beauty
rest, you’ve tossed and turned all night wishing you could just get
some sleep . . .
Well before you run to the drugstore or head to your doctor’s office,
you might want to take matters into your own two hands! Try having
an orgasm or two, or four a day and see what happens to those
“other” feelings!
|
If you don’t ask you won’t get . . .
Ladies, you know life can become emotionally complicated when you know what you want, but you aren't sure how to get it. Let me be more
specific. If you have ever been in an intimate situation and the experience has been less than. . . satisfying, it can be an unfulfilled encounter.
What do you say when your body is yearning for one thing and your partner is doing something else? Do you go through the motions or do you try
to direct your partner? What do you do if your partner will not let you . . . direct? What do you do? We know that nothing changes for the better
simply because we hope it will. Intimacy is no different. If your sexual encounters are leaving you feeling empty and frustrated it is ultimately up to
you to do something about it. Your partner is not a mind reader. There are times when there must be open dialogue about the sexual aspect of
your relationship. Whether you have a great sex life (wow!), an okay sex life (it can get better) or want a sex life (different issue entirely), there
may come a point when you and your partner will need to engage in a dialogue about it.
There is no such thing as the best time or place for this discussion. But if it must take place, and it must, then it is a good idea not to bring up this
delicate discussion during sex. Rather it should be addressed in a comfortable setting. It may not be the easiest topic to broach, but if you care
about preserving the relationship there is no other alternative then to take a deep breath and dive in. I know I’ve been there. There are a number
of ways to bring up your needs outside of the bedroom, and none of them need to be presented like an indictment. However, it does take some
planning.
An inquisitive approach …..by asking your partner how they feel about your love making. In this way you are allowing them to express themselves
and will get more than a one word response. You can also take the role of ownership and start out with something like, “I’ve noticed the last time in
bed (or wherever) I felt like we were not in sync or that something was missing.” This should also result in a dialogue, giving your partner some
room to respond. You can also take a subtle light-hearted and funny approach, like suggesting something risqué or different. If your partner is
willing to be adventurous this may be just the thing to add some sizzle to your lovemaking. Remember, the goal is to get your partner to open up
about how they feel about your intimacy and for you to express your feelings. If you are truly a couple in love or in strong like, then the two of you
should be able to tell each other what you like and what you need. Stay away from what you don’t like or you may run the risk of hurt feelings and
making your partner feel insecure or unsure as to whether or not they have been pleasing you all along.
It’s your body, your time and your pleasure and orgasm (yes, I said it) we’re talking about. If sex is something that we chose to partake in and
enjoy as opposed to a chore, then we also have to chose to be willing to talk about our needs. If you truly don’t think that you can talk to your
partner about your intimate needs and desires, then perhaps it’s time to consider the level of honest communication you and your partner are on. It
is amazing how as a society we are bombarded with images of sex and intimacy, yet many relationships deteriorate due to the inability to ask and
talk about what the other person needs leading up to, during and after sex. Just because we have the tools and the freedom to do what we
choose with our bodies does not mean we always know what to do with them when it comes to pleasing our partners.
The fact that sex therapy continues to be a thriving practice, and has been since 1970 when Masters and Johnson reported success in treating more
than 80 percent of their clients who experienced sexual dysfunction, is proof that thousands of people are taking their sex lives seriously enough to
take action. There is less embarrassment in seeking help than continuing to uphold a façade that all is well.
Remember, we engage in what we believe will give us pleasure. Ultimately, we need to let our conscience and our body be our guide and do
whatever feels right. Speaking up about it is the first step.
Anyway, that's the way I see it.
Ladies, you know life can become emotionally complicated when you know what you want, but you aren't sure how to get it. Let me be more
specific. If you have ever been in an intimate situation and the experience has been less than. . . satisfying, it can be an unfulfilled encounter.
What do you say when your body is yearning for one thing and your partner is doing something else? Do you go through the motions or do you try
to direct your partner? What do you do if your partner will not let you . . . direct? What do you do? We know that nothing changes for the better
simply because we hope it will. Intimacy is no different. If your sexual encounters are leaving you feeling empty and frustrated it is ultimately up to
you to do something about it. Your partner is not a mind reader. There are times when there must be open dialogue about the sexual aspect of
your relationship. Whether you have a great sex life (wow!), an okay sex life (it can get better) or want a sex life (different issue entirely), there
may come a point when you and your partner will need to engage in a dialogue about it.
There is no such thing as the best time or place for this discussion. But if it must take place, and it must, then it is a good idea not to bring up this
delicate discussion during sex. Rather it should be addressed in a comfortable setting. It may not be the easiest topic to broach, but if you care
about preserving the relationship there is no other alternative then to take a deep breath and dive in. I know I’ve been there. There are a number
of ways to bring up your needs outside of the bedroom, and none of them need to be presented like an indictment. However, it does take some
planning.
An inquisitive approach …..by asking your partner how they feel about your love making. In this way you are allowing them to express themselves
and will get more than a one word response. You can also take the role of ownership and start out with something like, “I’ve noticed the last time in
bed (or wherever) I felt like we were not in sync or that something was missing.” This should also result in a dialogue, giving your partner some
room to respond. You can also take a subtle light-hearted and funny approach, like suggesting something risqué or different. If your partner is
willing to be adventurous this may be just the thing to add some sizzle to your lovemaking. Remember, the goal is to get your partner to open up
about how they feel about your intimacy and for you to express your feelings. If you are truly a couple in love or in strong like, then the two of you
should be able to tell each other what you like and what you need. Stay away from what you don’t like or you may run the risk of hurt feelings and
making your partner feel insecure or unsure as to whether or not they have been pleasing you all along.
It’s your body, your time and your pleasure and orgasm (yes, I said it) we’re talking about. If sex is something that we chose to partake in and
enjoy as opposed to a chore, then we also have to chose to be willing to talk about our needs. If you truly don’t think that you can talk to your
partner about your intimate needs and desires, then perhaps it’s time to consider the level of honest communication you and your partner are on. It
is amazing how as a society we are bombarded with images of sex and intimacy, yet many relationships deteriorate due to the inability to ask and
talk about what the other person needs leading up to, during and after sex. Just because we have the tools and the freedom to do what we
choose with our bodies does not mean we always know what to do with them when it comes to pleasing our partners.
The fact that sex therapy continues to be a thriving practice, and has been since 1970 when Masters and Johnson reported success in treating more
than 80 percent of their clients who experienced sexual dysfunction, is proof that thousands of people are taking their sex lives seriously enough to
take action. There is less embarrassment in seeking help than continuing to uphold a façade that all is well.
Remember, we engage in what we believe will give us pleasure. Ultimately, we need to let our conscience and our body be our guide and do
whatever feels right. Speaking up about it is the first step.
Anyway, that's the way I see it.
What We’re Reading Now…
Sometimes our book reviews are tied to VisibleWoman’s theme. In this issue we have included readings both fiction and non-
fiction which speak of love and sexuality. Let’s hear from you. What are you reading now?
fiction which speak of love and sexuality. Let’s hear from you. What are you reading now?
Selfish streaks, endless longing and eternal regrets makes Lima Nights a sultry and
breathtaking read. When Carlos Bluhm, a wealthy businessman begins an affair with Maria
Fernandez, a dancer from the poorest area of Lima, it is the sultriest romps of a lifetime.
Carlos and Maria’s story is one of excitement and over the years, contempt, which grows from
their lustful familiarity. Even as the thrill of their lust evaporates, it is the outcome of their
choices that gives Lima Nights a surprisingly shocking ending.
breathtaking read. When Carlos Bluhm, a wealthy businessman begins an affair with Maria
Fernandez, a dancer from the poorest area of Lima, it is the sultriest romps of a lifetime.
Carlos and Maria’s story is one of excitement and over the years, contempt, which grows from
their lustful familiarity. Even as the thrill of their lust evaporates, it is the outcome of their
choices that gives Lima Nights a surprisingly shocking ending.
|
Lima Nights
by Marie Arana (The Dial Press)
by Marie Arana (The Dial Press)
| |||||||
Why are there so many sexy women in South America named Maria? Brazilian-born Maria has
dreams and aspirations like most young girls - to meet Prince Charming, have children, and live in a
beautiful house. Somewhere along the way she falls prey to circumstances and life for her is never
the same. Conniving and smart beyond her years, Maria’s sexual intrigue is that she is not the
mindless vixen she is perceived to be, but a seductive panther. Eleven Minutes drips of sex. It is an
amazing story about a woman who will not be limited or defined by her sexual proclivities.
dreams and aspirations like most young girls - to meet Prince Charming, have children, and live in a
beautiful house. Somewhere along the way she falls prey to circumstances and life for her is never
the same. Conniving and smart beyond her years, Maria’s sexual intrigue is that she is not the
mindless vixen she is perceived to be, but a seductive panther. Eleven Minutes drips of sex. It is an
amazing story about a woman who will not be limited or defined by her sexual proclivities.
Eleven Minutes
by Paulo Coelho (Harper Collins)
by Paulo Coelho (Harper Collins)
| |||||
Charting the lifetimes of Booker T. Washington, Langston Hughes, Zora Neale Hurston, Martin
Luther King, Jr. and hundreds of other luminary African Americans, Letters from Black America is a
treasure vault of some of the most intimate and historical documents dating back as far as the
1730s. The courtship and romantic lives of African Americans have not been positively portrayed, and
when done, the portrayal has been minimal and often savage. When in Courtship and Romance,
Charles Drew writes to his wife, Minnie Lenore Robbins, “ With a heart that’s full with a new found
joy my thoughts turn to you as the day closes and a sigh rises as an evening prayer to ask whatever
gods there be to keep you safe for me.,” we are reminded of the deep and precious love of African-
American life that has always existed.
Luther King, Jr. and hundreds of other luminary African Americans, Letters from Black America is a
treasure vault of some of the most intimate and historical documents dating back as far as the
1730s. The courtship and romantic lives of African Americans have not been positively portrayed, and
when done, the portrayal has been minimal and often savage. When in Courtship and Romance,
Charles Drew writes to his wife, Minnie Lenore Robbins, “ With a heart that’s full with a new found
joy my thoughts turn to you as the day closes and a sigh rises as an evening prayer to ask whatever
gods there be to keep you safe for me.,” we are reminded of the deep and precious love of African-
American life that has always existed.
Letters from Black America
Edited by Pamela Newkirk (Farrar,
Strauss and Giroux)
Edited by Pamela Newkirk (Farrar,
Strauss and Giroux)
|
A healthy and satisfying collection of sexual literature brimming with exploration, humor, and insight.
An engaging volume of stories, Black Erotica offers a generous and tasteful adventure into fantasies
and real life pleasures.
An engaging volume of stories, Black Erotica offers a generous and tasteful adventure into fantasies
and real life pleasures.
Erotique Noire - Black Erotica
Edited by Miriam De-Costa-Willis,
Reginald Martin and Roseann P. Bell
(Random House)
Edited by Miriam De-Costa-Willis,
Reginald Martin and Roseann P. Bell
(Random House)
You’ll have to go to the Rare Books section of your bookstore or the Internet to find this one. First
published in 1921, this anthology (770 pages), contains poems from the mildly suggestive, the grand
and soaring, to downright rollicking and rowdy. With titles like I Love My Love in the Morning, Forbidden
Fruit, A Midnight Lunch, My Thing is My Own, and The Enjoyment, these poems will delight, amuse,
and even arouse. The language might be dated and often ornate but the sentiments and feelings
they evoke are timeless.
published in 1921, this anthology (770 pages), contains poems from the mildly suggestive, the grand
and soaring, to downright rollicking and rowdy. With titles like I Love My Love in the Morning, Forbidden
Fruit, A Midnight Lunch, My Thing is My Own, and The Enjoyment, these poems will delight, amuse,
and even arouse. The language might be dated and often ornate but the sentiments and feelings
they evoke are timeless.
|
Poetica Erotica – A Collection of Rare And
Curious Amatory Verse.
Edited by T. R. Smith (Crown Publishers)
Curious Amatory Verse.
Edited by T. R. Smith (Crown Publishers)
Other notable reads:
The Hemingses of Monticello: An American Family
by Annette Gordon-Reed
(W. W. Norton & Company)
Cutting for Stone
by Abraham Varghese
(Alfred A. Knopf)
A Chip off The Old Black Block (of Wisdom)
by Madestella C. Holcomb
(Meago)
The Hemingses of Monticello: An American Family
by Annette Gordon-Reed
(W. W. Norton & Company)
Cutting for Stone
by Abraham Varghese
(Alfred A. Knopf)
A Chip off The Old Black Block (of Wisdom)
by Madestella C. Holcomb
(Meago)